The past

So yesterday i saw a person who use to be close to me, sadly she was too far away to grab her attention, but just looking at you, you have changed alot.

Crying

Cried for about 3 hours today, prob the longest i've cried in my life :(

TOO MUCH CORTISOL!!!!

So im just sorta dmning, whilst crying and really stressed right now, my closest friend is ranting and yeah im gonna stay up all night if i have to, to make sure he will be fine. Kinda wierd aye, once you have lost a friend for good, you actually start caring for your close friends more dearly.

Life rant

Well this is week is going to be a hard week to get through.
Today my phone screen broke after falling of a bus seat..... basically the whole screen is responsive and getting it repaired will cost me around $200-$250, I'm annoyed how a half a metre drop will do so much damage to a phone ......... what i find even more frustrating is that i don't have the money to repair it :( . I'm currently using my old phone which has no apps and slow internet so i will be unable to contact with my group for my assesment when outside of home :(
Secondly I'm capped, normally i will take my time to study more (which i have been doing) but I have an assignment due this Monday, 9m and it is all about research which requires assessing articles and other online resources and I think I'm getting uncapped on Monday which means i have to pull an allnighter.
Thirdly, i have that assignment on Monday, a group presentation on Tuesday and a Physiology exam on Wednesday, Too much assessments :(

Well, After pain, there is success, Well the only success is having good grades but well, have to live like a hobo for a month again to pay off my phone repairs :(

What i see in the mirror

When i look at myself, the list of flaws i can endlessly name drives me crazy, there are so many goals i want to achieve but everytime i accomplish something, i believe i could of done better
I look at my grades and i want to improve
I seek for a better job with better pay but i never get that opportunity
I want to have a normal family but i find myself taking care of myself
I want to get fitter but unable to push myself due to breathing difficulties
I ant to learn how to play a sport but am simply too unskilled to master a sport
I want a friend who can accept me for who i am, not just look at the mistakes in my past and judge me according to what i have done and what i can do now
I hate putting an act round people, smiling but deeply im just dying

Sometimes i wish i was someone else, why can't i have that job that he has, why cant i live in a house that she has, why can't i be spoilt as him, why cant i be as talented as she is.